Sufia is a fake

Sufia is a fake

My another tryst with imagination.
Characters depicted resemble real people, living.  

Amer logs off from Sufia’s account; it has now become tough to fend off her lovers. For Sufia is a girl next door, charming, sharp and emotional in every girl’s capacity. Half the people she has met pass her off as an aspiring model but, she has always been with the arts.

Music and architecture have been her passion for years. She could have easily become an engineer but, she took up creative direction in TV shows for a free lance job. One could woo her with poetry and scented candles; she would flatter you with her sensible humor.

It’s foolish not to fall in love with her.

Repetitive, failed relations with men, more inclined towards the physical contours of a relationship have only made her slumber into the dark corners of her heart searching for something discreet. It’s her bonding with Aseem that has made her experience relationships with no names.

Aseem is from a well to do family in Saket, settled out of Delhi. Being few years younger to Sufia has not deterred them from taking things forward in their so called friendship. He has always been a point of envy in Sufia’s relationship with other men she was yet to face.   

Sufia’s idea of meeting exciting people is through social websites as they have enough armor to protect her from unwanted male admiration. Over the past one year she had randomly befriended over 500 men and women she thought would turn out interesting in their own possible way.      

She had actually fallen in love with one Mr. Ahmed, painter by profession and a visionary of several art forms. It had become staple for them to meet over the internet and share their daily woes. It was with him that she ever disclosed her part of Aseem. Their chats would see no end on Ghalibs, Popes and would lengthen on Van Goughs and others. Colorful Ahmed, recently married had a great exploration capacity, both believed that they had explored each other to the core but, the quest was never ending. Ahmed on serious nights would at times try introducing a barter relationship which Sufia would pass off humorously. But somewhere down the line she needed someone like Ahmed, emotionally. At times Ahmed would become difficult and try to force a decision out of Sufia.

At times Amer would just sign off.

Amer is a failed poet and a writer. His work of imagination created flutter in the market only in bursts until people started disowning the dullness in his characters. Once a literary genius his work now collected dust in bookshelves across the city, the social media had taken over the real paperbacks.

Sufia is an imagination.

Amer had cultivated Sufia over a year ago while working on a character, lively and emotional. He had taken it too seriously while making her a near perfect online profile. She was born in New Delhi and went to premier schools and colleges finally settling down to a well chosen career. At first he projected herself novice to the social websites and randomly added people who would add her based on the glamorous pictures of her he had made public. For pictures he had relied on Hannah an unknown aspiring Pakistani model who had pictures from her normal and glamorous days.

Like Ahmed there were several men who loved her immensely and little girls who modeled on her. Out of desperation to sort out emotions that were blowing out proportions, Amer decided to reveal all and change her display name to “Sufia is fake, I’m sorry”.

Weeks and lots of explanations after, all Sufia was left with were a few online Romeos, no real men and women who cared. People who had disowned her laughed at their fates and blocked her forever.  Amer was never at fault, it’s his own character that had attracted love. Probably packaged in a pink wrapper with a feminine ribbon is what people could see of him now.

But, Sufia was in love and Ahmed would never respond now.

It was like the whole world coming to an end one fine morning when you wake up from a dream that was all rosy. What better now but, to embrace the reality? What about Aseem? Ahmed? And those little girls? Should they be sent back to living in a world so cold, wasted away? But, there isn’t any settling point as Sufia had no choice.

Love for another man, admiration for an imaginary friend, responsibility towards young girls were all at a risk of being termed insane and pervert.

Amer was in love, Sufia was attractive. He wished to be born a Sufia one day in a good life, probably then he could have everything. But he knew probably there won’t be another one like her. It is now he hated, a failed life and no real companions.

That night Amer collapsed in his dreams, never to get up again. Drug abuse was never a solution to kill something crawling beneath your skin.

Flowerbed

Flowerbed

Dear Amer,

Before you finish this letter, I would've already left the town and I'm sure you wouldn't care where I'll be heading to.

It was wonderful having you in my not so exciting lonesome life and I specially remember the first time we met in the middle of the connecting highway, where my car broke down. I wasn't able to collect enough courage to stop other cars and ask for help, hundreds passed and you only cared enough to stop and ask to help.

The most exciting day of my life was when I moved into an apartment of a building adjacent to your house. I know, till date you think that it was a deliberate act. I just wanted to move into a neighborhood where you lived, it made me feel safe in a new town. It seemed like a very good idea to see you everyday, I was falling for you then!

Seeing you everyday gave me a reason to stay a little more in the town, making me more and more dependent on you even for something like a grocery list. That night when you made love to me, it made me forget my painful past and for some reason I didn't care that you lived in with her.

That time when you were not in town, my curiosity led me to your house, just to see how she was? I told her everything about us, thinking that she would understand us. She never reacted. I came across as an immature girl to her and she was very pleasant to me, her pleasantness was such a killer. For the rest of the day we just talked about you and your ambitious dream of setting up a dairy farm. We even laid a new flowerbed at the backyard together. And she asked me to come over anytime I wished to, work on the flowerbed and put any flowers of my choice, I chose the exotic black roses.

I know she fought with you the next night you came back, because since then you have changed. You got busier, stopped attending my calls and don't care for stopping by at my place. I was sick for a few days and wished that you stayed next to me. Somehow I feel cheated by both of you. I know you find love in her and regret in me now. You could have balanced us both in your life or maybe just let her go, but you chose none.

Anyways, I'm not left with any choices but to move ahead. These streets make me miss you more, strip me naked and make me feel filthy. I just wanted to say my final “bye” to her and return her your things that kept lying at my place.

You've had a tiring trip, please do rest, don't forget to water the black roses for me. Don't look for her in the house, you won't find her there. She sleeps under the flowerbed.

Wish I could love you more,

Sufia

Blink

Blink

I have spent several sleepless nights on this, what better way to pen down my insomnia like I do here.

The son of the magician,

Had a gift of his own,

He lived out his illusions,

As if they’d never unfold.

Trained to be an artist,

A master illusionist.

He would pluck fired bullets mid air,

And stand on one legged chairs.

Deep inside he was a wanderer,

Of dreams and mystical places.

Not too long ago, his mother had become the star of the night sky,

To see her, he had learned to fly.

She would tell him,

“Win the princess of seven seas”,

For, her beauty was so magical,

That, only virgin minds could see.

He had once heard,

One mustn’t close their eyes,

For once you fall asleep,

She would be gone within a blink of an eye.

 He was awake for several days,

Had several demons to slay.

She was being kept captive,

The demons were so non fictive.

Amon, the demon of the Sea of the Anger,

A capable volcanic archer,

Was defeated in patience,

A magical act of brilliance.

Across the seven seas,

He had fought demons big,

And some as small as fleas.

Now, his armor was weaker,

And his presence leaner.

But, he had promises to keep,

For them he’d never sleep.

That night had arrived,

He could see his to be bride.

The demons were defeated,

And their parts had been well acted.

She walked in a fine satin gown,

Fireflies made for her crown.

Her beauty was covered in a veil,

But, she seemed disappearing in the morning rays.

He sat startled on his morning bed,

And could only remember,

Falling asleep just before the exchange of the rings.

Wings of hearts

 

Wings of hearts 

The first paragraph simply rhymed in my head out of nowhere and I build it up further to a more meaningful read. This, I would dedicate to a destiny's friend and he would know why. Interestingly, it suits me as well.

Sleep well,

Sleep well my love,

You ain't waking up tomorrow,

I'll be grieving in pain from sorrow.

You have lend me women,

Beauties of feminine,

Desirable till the paint on their nails,

Winged hearts, not meant for the jails.

My love, you dint give me enough feet,

To match up to their steps, make the ends meet,

Loving 'em in packets,

Is like warming you under the blankets.

Love, I've shared you enough,

You're one feeling that has melted the tough,

It's time I put you down to sleep,

For what I had seen for tomorrow, lost them all today in heaps.

Sleep well,

Sleep well my love,

You ain't waking up tomorrow,

I'll be grieving in pain from sorrow.

Twenty plus six

This I wrote on the eve of my 26th birthday; no reasons at all.
I just wanted to dedicate it to myself.

Twenty plus six

Journey’s been made,

Through these silly years,

All of twenty plus six,

After all it wasn’t so jinxed.

Rubbed my eyes twice,

Never saw so right,

Of all the memories that have been etched on the skin,

I remember only those; I was destined to win.

Carry on the road I’ve been walking for so long,

Off people dead or gone,

Cause I’ve been chasing the light,

Want to reach there alone.

My knees have been weakened now,

I will figure it out on my own; somehow,

Never to fall again,

Never to feel the pain,

For all of twenty plus six,

After all it wasn’t so jinxed.

O brother

 O brother

This is for my big sister who always wanted a “big brother”. Somewhere down the line even I desired one. Hope we all can associate.

O brother, O really,

Silly have you been,

Never been born,

All this while I’ve been learning alone.

O really, O brother,

With no mother,

Imaginary in my room,

We brothers bloomed.

O brother, O healer,

In wars you came out a reaper,

We fought men double our age,

On a mountain of pillows our armies rampaged.

O brother, O really,

Silly have you been,

Never been born,

All this while I’ve been learning alone.

O brother, big brother,

Where have you been?

I’ve been falling all this while learning to ride,

You’ve never been holding my side.

O brother, O dear,

I messed up my first kiss,

Adult-rated the miss,

Hate you for mocking my missed bliss.

O brother, O really,

Silly have you been,

Never been born,

All this while I’ve been learning alone.

O brother, my mirror,

The imaginary son,

When I’ll be gone,

Will you look after my mother’s home?

O brother, like father,

I know you’ll always be there,

Best in your imaginary self,

Extending a hand to help.

O brother, O really,

Silly have you been,

Never been born,

All this while I’ve been learning alone.

The funeral clown

The funeral clown

It went with the emotions.   

 The clown’s all red

In a bloody pool of his dead

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches a smile on his face

Farthest to chase

Dress in reds and whites and brightest of pink

Amuses the faces that are so grim

Has a tiny heart within

That beats the loudest to begin

It pays in attention, love and laughter

The man’s well sought after

All for a lonely clown

The biggest gig in his town

The clown’s all red

In a bloody pool of his dead

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches a smile on his face

Farthest to chase

No, he’s no fake by any means

Surfing the shallow shores, he dares to lean

Flicking and juggling on a worn out board

He cares less and appears so bold

Just a tincture of madness she carries

Watch out, you Tom, Dick and Harries

Present at almost all his gigs

The clown’s chick is hard to resist

The clown’s all red

In a bloody pool of his dead

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches a smile on his face

Farthest to chase

He had several promises to keep

For them, he had to scale the seas

The chick was a difficult woman to contain

Futile to convince that love could be maintained

To her, he lost the virginity of his soul

She crept in his being like a tiny mole

She feared the loss of something cherishable

Believed their love was not liveable

The clown’s all red

In a bloody pool of his dead

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches a smile on his face

Farthest to chase

A decision is hard to make

To part ways

And yet have parallel lanes

They held hands

And

Shed mixed tears

She got him a job of a funeral singer

Slow was the pace and sadness lingered

This was the best way to stay in touch

Still, they could not achieve much

The clown’s all white

In a mist of low height

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches the chords of his guitar

To tie to the ceilings, must reach that far

The funeral singer wouldn’t last long

He knew only a few sad songs

He asked her to give him one more chance

To let him be him and hold his stance

The gig folds, unfolds here

Nobody knows, nobody cares

Will she? Wont she?

In a dilemma is he!

The clown’s all red

In a bloody pool of his dead

He kills himself every moonlit night

Stretches a smile on his face

Farthest to chase

Love note

Love note

I am writing my heart again

A love note in pain

Of love and sorrow

It seems just like a never ending tomorrow

Now the rain has gone

And it seems that you're the one who's alone

I remember the night, all the stars, you and me

But it’s hard to believe that now you don’t remember me

I was beautiful with you

Now with or without you

I have learnt to cherish

Your final wish...

Ask yourself a question

Was it ever a good proposition?

To conceive our children in my eyes

I know you weren't all lies

The time goes by

You had rightly said while loosening our ties

I remember the night, all the stars, me and you

But it’s hard to believe that now i don’t remember the look on you

I am beautiful again

Forgotten the dreams that you had lain

I am loving love again

She seems like an angel without a taint

My thoughts, they are cheating

Unjust is my writing

What i feel through her in my fingers

Can’t seem to pen down love that lingers

It’s always a beautiful dawn

When i wake up with her thoughts and walk alone

Wish i was sober from the last night

Love had got me high and tight

She holds me by my hand

As we fly and...

The time goes by

You had rightly said while loosening our ties

So say "doll"...

Isn’t it a droll?

I am getting older

She doesn’t let my love get over

We’ve walked the planet together

Tireless our feet feel like feathers

The rain is pouring again in no vain

Drenching us in love every weather

The nights, all the stars have been lit alive

We both seem to thrive

It’s a disgrace that you can’t have her anymore

Or we both together, like i do

Waking sleep

Waking sleep

Don’t want to have sleep in my eyes

Would rather wake up to see sleep waking up in your eyes

Along with the first morning light you take me in

And i get a high therein

Look close enough now

I have grown without a trace now

In your love

Don’t shove me now

It’s been your spell

That has kept me captive, I can’t tell

I still want to hold your hand in sleep

Even when I am let free

Get up now

Or ill go on forever now

Dress up into something sober

It’ll suit you after a morning shower

Let me pat dry your hair

I can’t just see you from the comfort of this chair

I want you to know

That I savor the freshness of you hair

It will be a beautiful dawn

I’ll again leave myself to you in pawn

Worthy of something that is you

Wont come back to ask for it too

Let me make you something

And some caffeine to drink

Remember the flavor of the last time

They’ll again have elements of me

Let this morning be different like always

Feel for me strong in your own ways

And don’t tell me a thing

Tease me and make me feel the sting...

He doesn't make her like you

He doesn’t make her like you

You could steal my breath tonight

Cause now he doesn’t make her like you, a'right

The alleys are getting tight now

And i am all shrinking because i am cold now

The fact that you could kill me

I still want you to be with me

Hold me tight tonight

Don’t wait for another night

Let’s make love tonight

Just like our kinda night

These alleys will lead us there, a'right

Hold me between your fingers tight

You be my breath tonight

Cause now he won’t make her like you, a’right

You make me one of a kind now

Part of a love that don’t exist now

Now its Friday’s night

Wid u wanna see the Sunday’s light

Wheres the Saturday gone now

Lost in your eyes don’t ask me how?

You could steal my breath tonight

Cause he made you for me, a'right!

Another day

Yet another day

Yet another sec

Why should I tell you

That I fly when I walk besides you

You can’t really win

In loving you when I pitch in

It seems to be getting off hand now

Can’t get you off my mind now

I love you so

Don’t let me go

Yet another day

Love you? I may...

Forgetting the last

A day, fresh I start...

You don’t hold me back

I am here because I lack

A zest to think love beyond you

It’s true I have always been within you

Thoughts might cajole you now

Shrewdly I deny and how?

That you make me go pink

Whenever a thought of you comes and winks

But I should love you my way

You really have no say

I shouldn’t let you know

That I am in tears when you go...

Father and son

Killing you softly

I do it so promptly

Hating you till breathless

Then choking with love’s mess

Last saw you on a bed

Fighting a horse riding you to a dead end

If given a choice I could have held it back

That night it could only be slowed down

Others were riding in similar ways

Life just plays

They were a little behind

Little slow

In the flow

No need to finish first

And still be at the losing end

I let you win

Showed you the short cut to the fin

But I loved you

That holds true

No tears outside

Flowing Nile inside

Nobody knows

Nobody cares

It still sends shivers down the line

Triggering pain time and time.

People see you in me

They find your sublime

Probably you didn’t win

You couldn’t reach the fin

I will keep you on track

Holding you back

Until I ride your horse

Myself hoping to get till the end.

Keep faking

I see no love

Feel no pain

Makes me numb

A scum

I see truce

When I choose

To let it down

And give you the crown

But I house lava inside

And am infected from outside

I pop it like a guitar

And leave no scar

The crown will be falling

Help you’ll be calling

I see no harm

On bestowing you my charm

And I am angry

And I am hungry

I am virtuous too

In spreading the flu

It wont kill you instantly

I will be fingering you constantly

See me in the eye

When you cry

I might just leave your soul

Collecting ashes

You’ll be burning

On you ill be cooking

The broth…

Sitting tidy you might be now

But be careful somehow

I am not scaring you

Just telling you

I see beauty in you

Keep faking it until I catch you.

She flows inside me

As her fragrance sinks into what beats within me..
..as she flows inside me..
..I feel life again as she thumps against me..
..I am colored red..
..they say I have come out of the dead..
..its love, within me she has bred.

A dimmer you

Walking in the darkest of nights,
I see a dimmer you in your eyes,
But I still walk through..
..to see a brighter you.
Blinded I get as I walk through,
But I get a brighter you..

Like yesterday

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today

It was so simple and plain

When we had borrowed each other’s pain

Your sorrows had rained through our eyes

Stronger it held our ties

Holding to each other’s warmth

We had woken the night away

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today

We knew they won’t ever understand

Our baby would be shred into strands

But we showed it the light

And were open for every fight

Remember? We had sung lullabies

And driven the fear away

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today

Romance is in your eyes

Held me captivated like the vastness of the skies

It felt silk in your touch

I had awaited it so much

The depth of your silent soul

Had echoed inside me

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today

It’s hard to believe

That one day I must leave..

..for some lesser being..

..this I am already fearing

The sky will be colored love red again

Amazing, even without you it won’t pain

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today

Because I am still your baby

Forever maybe..

I may fly away as a dove

But will never grow out of your love

I might not love you as I did yesterday

But don’t take me to the end of it today